It doesn't always have a name. But if you've ever caught yourself holding back in a room where you had every right to take up space – or said yes when you meant no, helped when you were already running on empty, or stayed small when something in you was aching to grow – then you know exactly what I mean.

At the root of it, almost always, is the same wound.

I'm not worthy. I don't matter. Who am I to want more than this?

These aren't just passing thoughts. They become beliefs. And beliefs, left unexamined, become the invisible architecture of our lives – shaping what we go after, what we settle for, and how we show up in every room we walk into.

Here's the part that took me a long time to understand:

When we over-function for other people — when we prioritise everyone else's needs before our own, when we make ourselves endlessly available, when we shrink so others feel comfortable — we aren't just being kind. We are training people to treat our time and energy as less valuable than theirs. And then we wonder why we feel invisible.

We enrol the people around us in the story we believe about ourselves.

Because the self is relational. We don't build our sense of worth in isolation — we build it through how we move through the world, how we respond, how we show up. Which means the story can change. But only if we change first.

And yes — we need to grieve.

We need to look at what happened, feel it fully, and honour it. That part is important and real.

But we cannot stay there.

Because here's what I've seen, again and again: the longer we live inside the story of what was done to us or what we lacked, the more that story stops being something that happened to us and starts becoming who we are. It solidifies. It becomes identity. And then we are no longer healing from the past — we are being governed by it.

The shift happens when you stop trying to fix the past and start being pulled by the future.

Not bypassing what happened. Not pretending it didn't hurt. But making peace with it — and then asking a completely different question:

Who do I need to become to create the life I actually want?

That question changes everything.

It's not an overnight transformation. For some, the shift comes slowly. For others, something cracks open faster than they expected. But learning to regulate yourself, to respond instead of react, to stop re-imprinting the old wound onto new situations — this is the work. And it is the most worthwhile work I know.

It's also the conversation I've been having in various forms for years — in sessions, in circles, in late-night messages from women who are quietly done with the version of themselves they've been performing.

And now — for the first time — I want to have it in person.

I'll be honest with you: I've dreamed of holding a retreat for a very long time. And I've been afraid to. Afraid it wasn't the right moment, afraid I wasn't ready, afraid of all the things we tell ourselves when we're about to do the thing that matters most.

And then I decided: the fear doesn't get to drive anymore.

The first REFLECTIVE Retreat is happening May 25–28 in the Algarve, Portugal.

A small, intimate gathering — just a handful of women — in one of the most beautiful places I know. We'll have real conversations like this one. We'll make art (no experience needed — that's not the point). We'll walk barefoot on the beach and let the earth remind us what it feels like to be grounded. We'll meditate, journal, share meals that taste like they were made with love, and watch the sun set over the Atlantic.

And we'll do the quiet, powerful work of putting down what we no longer need to carry.

It’s a small group, and there are 5 places left.
The deadline is Sunday, 17th May.

If something in you is saying yes — please don't wait. → See all the details here.

And if September feels more like your moment —

I'm also planning a second retreat at the end of September, in Portugal again.

The details are still coming together, but the intention is the same: a small group, a beautiful setting, and the kind of time and space that most of us never give ourselves — but quietly know we need.

If you'd like to be first to hear everything when it's ready, join the waitlist below. You'll receive all the details before anything is shared publicly, and your spot will be held for you first.

→ [Join the September Waitlist]

(Once you sign up, please check your spam folder — I'd hate for this not to reach you.)

I hope to see you there — in May, in September, or whenever the time is right for you.

And if not this time, I'll see you in the next newsletter.

Thank you for being here. Truly. This community means more to me than I can easily put into words — and these conversations, this exchange, this little pocket of honesty we've built together — it's one of my favourite things.

Thank you for being here, with me, right now. If you know someone who would benefit from this retreat, please share it, as we never know how small gestures can have a really big impact.

Until next time.
Renata

▶ Favorite remote-soulful city: Algar Seco in Portugal

▶ Podcast on repeat: “The Telepathy Tapes” – Season 2.

▶ Next read: “Calling in the One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas – A book Become the person you wish to attract by taking radical responsibility for your love life. LOVE yourself first and foremost.